It seemed to be all to real for me. It was something I had experienced before in a mysterious place. It was experienced in a state of mind most people only see glimpses of. But now it was becoming a reality. No fresh air, no light, no sound; no space. I embraced the only sense that seemed to have any importance to me-touch. I could feel the unfinished wooden planks that extended no more than half a foot above. As I rubbed my hand down the board, splinters bit into me as if I touched a hoard of red ants. I let them travel through my skin and reach into each and every one of my fingers. Drips of blood protruded from my hands and flew down on to my face. I let it cover from my forehead all the way down to my chin. It was like a mask…of someone I wish I could be, because I knew I would be gone in the next couple days.
Alive or not, my pulse was undetectable at the scene of the accident. My parents had wanted to get the funeral over quickly so they did not have to deal with as much grieving that other relatives had to deal with in the past. Unfortunately, life insurance had only covered me with an ugly wooden casket due to my young age. In the span of a day, I was being lowered more than 20 feet into the depths of Lovely Meadows cemetery. There was almost nothing to listen to. I could faintly here the distant vibrations from critters crawling on the surface of my casket. I licked the most distinct wood I would ever taste. Maybe I never knew what the taste of wood was like, but It made my tongue cringe as my taste buds met the fibers. My eyes were no use open or closed. Seeing the dark of night while both eyes were open and while they were closed was something very hard to accept. It smelled of negative energy. But the smell of negative energy is indescribable. It was a place I shouldn’t have been in…not yet.
Hours had seemed to go by, but I had no way of tracking time. I mentally tried to break down the physical barrier people of my own kind had put me in. I physically tried to demolish the mental barrier my own family had entrapped me in. Nothing seemed to work. All that seemed to be important in society fell to nothing in that box. Being alone as a human is something we don’t seem to fear until it becomes all to real. At first I felt sadness…then I felt nothing. Completely blank-just like the box I was in.
It may have just been so scary, because it was a thought I had repressed. It may have just been a barrier that couldn’t be fought physically or mentally. What it was was unknown. What my brain conceived to be reality was no more real, than what could have been taken for fake. This was a place all of its own. I had made it to the other side successfully, but what had significance in this place would have to be explored in a whole different perception.