Death of the Twinkie

I would not go as far as saying that I was deprived from sugar as a child, but my parents felt it necessary to expose me to good, natural foods at a young age. No matter what I was trained to eat, I longed to bite into the fluffy, golden, cream filled wonderland that was the Hostess Twinkie.  Perhaps you know of this golden goblet of greatness from the notorious myth of the “Eternal Twinkie”, where it was believed that a Twinkie could last upwards of 500 years on the shelf, or perhaps survive a nuclear fallout. Or even the myth that the Twinkie could ferment into alcohol. Whatever the myth may be, the Twinkie is synonymous with the American cuisine, perhaps even parallel to the hotdog or the hamburger.

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Hostess, the corporation and mastermind behind the chemically perfected, nutritionally abysmal, and the source of bringing multiple consumers’ taste buds to orgasm, has announced that they are bankrupt and will be liquidating the contents of their factories. I see this piece of news as the death of not only a tremendously successful corporation, but a source of happiness and the source of that warm tingly feeling in your stomach. Though, in another view, this may be the death of a company, but perhaps a chance of new life for the consumer. On November 16, 2012, Hostess announced that it was ceasing plant operations and laying off most of its 18,500 employees. It stated that it intended to sell off all of its assets, including the well known brand names, and liquidate. The CEO, Gregory Rayburn, stated, “Hostess Brands will move promptly to lay off most of its 18,500-member workforce and focus on selling its assets to the highest bidders.”

 

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Here are some of the Nutrition Facts for the Twinkie:

A single Twinkie contains 2.5 grams of saturated fat, representing 13% of the recommended daily intake of saturated fat based on a 2,000 calorie diet. It is 42% sugars, 21% complex carbohydrates and 11% fat by weight.

 

Ingredients (I dare you to pronounce some of these names):

Enriched wheat flower sugar, corn syrup, niacin, water, high fructose corn syrup, vegetable and/or animal shortening – containing one or more of partially hydrogenated soybean, cottonseed and canola oil, and beef fat, dextrose, wholeeggs, modified corn starch, cellulose gum, whey, leavenings (sodium acid pyrophosphate, baking soda, monocalcium phosphate), salt, cornstarch, corn flour, corn syrup, solids, mono and diglycerides, soy lecithin, polysorbate 60,dextrin, calcium caseinate, sodium stearoyl lactylate, wheat gluten, calcium sulphate, natural and artificial flavors, caramel color, yellow No. 5, red #40.

 

This can be seen as the death of a company, the death of consumer happiness, the death of income for nearly 20,000 employees, and perhaps the death of a childhood memory or a guilty pleasure of a middle-aged crisis. Nonetheless, I salute you, Hostess and your delicious products. You will be dearly missed.

 

RIP Hostess 

1930-2012

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1 Comment

  1. This was hilarious. The funny part was that I was presenting the Words, Words, Words blog to a room full of English Teachers…and this was the one that was first….they all howled with laughter! Thanks!
    From the Rubric:
    very informative or deeply reflective; informational post: synthesizes learned content and constructs new meaning; well organized
    written in an interesting style and voice; words used are carefully chosen, memorable, and bring the content to life;
    sentence fluency is smooth and naturally expressive
    all words spelled correctly; no grammar errors; formatting makes the post more interesting and easier to read
    multiple pieces of multimedia; multimedia adds new information or perspective to post; several links to places that add to readers understanding; links are relevant and “flow” within the content; post is fully categorized and tagged

    Reply

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